January is almost over, and I still haven't shared a post about what last year meant to me. I learned a lot, and I'm hoping you did too. I have been putting off writing this post since before Christmas, but the words just never came out quite right. I realize now that part of that trepidation was because I was still processing the feelings I wanted to write about. It's tricky to write a positive, witty post about how something turned out while it's still happening. I have a hard time labeling what I learned from an experience until after I close the chapter on it.
But tonight, I began reading my past entries - out of curiosity for what someone brand new to the blog would see. I was laughing, and crying, going from post to post. I was smiling while reading what I had shared. This year was hard, and the blog reflected that fact, at least on some small level. I didn't hide away from what I was feeling. Reading back my own words, I didn't get the sense that everything was fine or how great it is to 'fake it till you make it'. I wasn't suggesting that it's better to hustle. I reminded myself and anyone reading, that listening to your intuition is priority number one. I'm proud of how gentle I was with myself, especially on the internet. It's easier to lean on only sharing the shining, filtered moments as a thick armor between me and "the world". But it's hard to keep up that image, because in my experience, those cropped moments are not the whole story.
I believe that not every minute detail needs to be shared for everyone to see on the internet. But if you do chose to share part of your life, like I did this year, remember to share with heart. Share with authenticity. I'm so proud that I found that line for myself. The line between shouting "THIS SUCKS" and "EVERYTHING IS GREAT". Because not everything is great, and not everything sucks, things are both good and bad. This current season is complex (aren't they all?). I learned a lot about feeling dueling emotions this year. To sit with things that feel very different at the exact same time, was something I never allowed myself to do until recently. Turns out, I can feel disappointed and hopeful. It's uncomfortable, but it happens, and boy is it better to feel the feelings as they come, even if they counter act each other, instead of letting them build up.
Where is the blog going this year? I still do not know. And it feels good to say that out loud! It also feels scary. Do I wish I knew where this year was headed? Of course. I could sure use a year where things stick to a plan. But, “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know” (Pema Chodron). A lesson I am still learning is, how to let go of needing a plan.
Do I have a goal to throw 12 parties in 12 months again? Nope. I'm glad it happened and I'm proud of myself for sticking with it even though it wasn't always easy. Will I keep blogging in 2016? Yes! I started using a more authentic version of my voice this year. Writing and publishing blog posts helped me stretch this muscle, and the blog was a great space to express my thoughts. I have no plans of going anywhere, now that there isn't a party a month to be thrown and blogged about.
What kind of posts can you expect going forward? Well, crafts of course. Travel posts I hope! We've got a Michigan trip already on the books for this summer, including what is sure to be a beautiful wedding. There will be more memory keeping, including my favorite montage videos, and art journaling. I've become a Project Life gal and foresee taking this blog with me on that journey, too. There will of course still be parties. Jason is turning 30! And sweet Lili is turning 2! Galentine's Day is coming up. And, I still have dreams of throwing a bunch of craft parties.
Special thanks to Jason for proofreading and editing so many of these posts. Thank you for encouraging me to start this blog, and for being on board with all these parties! Thank you to my parents and Grandma for reading each and every post. Thanks to my brother for bringing up my latest posts every time we talked on the phone. Thank you to my friends for humoring me each month and attending these parties.
Lastly, thank you for reading. Thank you to every person who read any post from this site. It still blows my mind that anyone would read a blog that I'm responsible for, but it warms my heart and gives me all the heart eye emojis.
2015 will forever be known as the year I started my blog. Oh, and it was the first year of parties.
We did it. Now let's keep going.