We moved into a new apartment last weekend and as it goes with most moves, I am completely disoriented. This move took me down. Move - 1 , Andrea - 0. It's not so much that my physical belongings are in boxes - I've unpacked everything at this point. It feels like my brain hasn't caught up to where my body is. Instead of pressuring myself to push forward at all costs, I'm trying to go easy, especially during the transition phase. In the recent past, I would have shamed myself for feeling tired or uninspired, and I'm proud of myself for taking it slow and showing myself Grace to feel how I feel.
Some of my self-imposed deadlines included blog posts about Party No. 9, as well as a couple of other topics. Last night I started writing a post out of sheer duty and nothing inspiring came out - everything felt forced. I promised myself in the beginning of this blog that I'd stick to a consistent posting schedule whenever possible, but if a post didn't feel right, I'd save it for later. Because once you post something on the internet, it lives forever.
If I'm going to do this, I want to do it my way.
I remembered these photos I took, months ago, of my new jewelry set up. I was so proud for finally getting the wall-hook unit up, and pleased with how lovely it all turned out, that I busted out the "nice" camera. This vignette housed all my jewelry, tiny dishes, and many special momentos.
The black and white photo is of my siblings and myself when we were little. Our (awesome) family babysitter had a photo shoot of sorts with us for her photography class. I vividly remember setting up the blankets and pillows to create the "set", and thinking how cool it was that she just knew how to do all this. She developed the photos herself in her dark room (again, rad) and the box of photos is so special to my family to this day.
The sweet little gold Buddha I've had in my collection since I was in high school. I got him on an Honors English field trip to San Francisco, during my Junior year. We spent the entire day wandering the city, completing different tasks for a scavenger hunt, and all met up for dinner in North Beach. We had to get something "cool" for under $1 in Chinatown and the best item would be declared the winner. (The winner was a raw fish, that my classmate propped on the table at dinner. I wasn't as amused as my teacher was.) This golden friend was my $1 item that day, and I've loved him ever since. He got dropped once, and part of the left side of his pillow chipped off. He's seen some things, and yet, he is still smiling.
The peace sign is paper mache that I covered in glue, and doused in gold glitter as a Christmastime decoration. It looked magical with the twinkle lights during the holidays, but I loved it too much to box up all year. I don't know where it will end up in the new house yet, but I look forward to figuring it out!
After looking at these photos again, I decided to get the set up started at the new place. As I edit this post from my bed, I can see it out of the corner of my eye and just having it up again makes me feel a little bit more at home. It feels nice to have such a happy corner in the bedroom.
Piece by piece, my brain is catching up to my body.
Is there something you've been forcing yourself to do, or be, that you know isn't serving you? Hopefully soon, you will be able to give yourself permission to let it go, but in the meantime, I'm giving you permission.
It's ok. You are enough. And you are so loved.